


On the shelf (behind the bathroom mirror)

by hereforthehurts



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra, Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Comfortember, Comfortember 2020, Disabled Character, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Korrasami - Freeform, Medication, Relationship Discussions, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27482479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforthehurts/pseuds/hereforthehurts
Summary: Korra doesn't need pills to be in control of herself. She can do just fine without them.(She couldn't.)ORThe one fic where Asami talked to Korra about her meds, and that it's okay to need them.
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato
Comments: 4
Kudos: 116
Collections: Comfortember 2020





	On the shelf (behind the bathroom mirror)

**Author's Note:**

> For comfortember day eight: lashing out.

Korra stares at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.  
  
Behind that mirror, there’s a shelf. And in that shelf, there’s the medication she was supposed to be taking, to help her regulate herself… or whatever. She didn’t really care much about it, and to be honest, she’s stopped taking it since a few days ago. It doesn’t help like she was told it was supposed to, and she didn’t like it, anyway—it wasn’t natural. She didn’t need pills to function properly.  
  
Yeah. That’s right. She _doesn’t_ need it.  
  
Korra sighs, turning on the tap and ran the cold water down her face to feel like she’s in control. Because she _is_ —and she doesn’t need pills to do that, either. A few quick brushes over her short hair, and she’s ready to get out there and continue her duties as the avatar—which involves a lot more talking and discussing than punching things, these days, but that’s okay. She’ll hit the gym on the way to pick up her girlfriend from work later. Everything’s in control, everything’s in place—she’s fine. She _will_ be.  
  
And with that, she walked out the door confidently.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
“Korra? Are you alright?”  
  
It was Zhu Li’s voice, sweet and professional with a small tinge of worry in it. Korra shuts her eyes firmly and opens it again before turning to face the small woman, giving her the most normal smile she could muster. “Yeah, I’m fine. Why’d you ask?”  
  
“No, it’s just…” she shook her head, seeming to not find the right words to say, “You were looking a little off back there. Are you… sick, perhaps? Or…?”  
  
“I… no, I’m fine, thank you,” Korra gave her a small shrug and a smile. That was a lie, of course—she _had_ been feeling a bit dizzy since she sat down in this morning’s meeting, but maybe it was just because she wasn’t so used to being idle for so long. Her avatar training had always involved so much physical activities… yeah. That must be it.  
  
“Right, okay, then. I’ll just need you to sign some papers and you’re good to go,” Zhu Li nods, now focusing on the papers in her arms. “It must’ve been weird, right? Now that the war is over, you’re stuck in a room for hours listening to people talk,” she tried to joke, but Korra wasn’t paying too much attention to her. It was hard to do that while her head throbs repeatedly as if she was having a flu. Maybe she is?  
  
“Uh… sorry, what was that you said?” She asks, shaking her head again. “Maybe you’re right—my head’s been throbbing for a while…”  
  
“Oh, that doesn’t sound too good,” Zhu Li frowns, readjusting her glasses to take a closer look. “You know what, you should worry about this later and go home. Should I call someone? Asami, maybe—”  
  
“No! No,” Korra stood up from her seat almost immediately, hands up in the air. “I, uh—I’ll manage. It’s fine.”  
  
“If you say so,” Zhu Li nods reluctantly, gathering the papers back into her clipboard. “You should go home. I’ll have this stored for you to take a look at later.”  
  
“Alright,” Korra took a deep breath, getting up from her seat in a daze. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll go home, and uh… thanks?”  
  
“Anytime,” she smiles, waving at her while she walked out the meeting room—and for a second, Korra felt a little jealous of her. She bets Zhu Li didn’t have to feel like she needed stupid pills to feel in control of herself.  
  
She groans internally. What is wrong with her? It felt like her body was made out of rubber—it was so hot, _too_ hot, and she felt like the slightest inconvenience would set her off like a bomb. It doesn’t make senses—nothing does. She just wanted to stay in bed and sleep forever.  
  
Maybe that’s what she needed to do.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
When Asami visited her room that afternoon, she kept her eyes closed.  
  
Korra knew it was her, from the way her perfume smelled and how gently she steps and closed the door. She really didn’t want Asami to see her in this state, but informing her that she doesn’t have to come over all the way to Air Temple Island was too much work for her sluggish body. Besides, what was she supposed to do anyway? Tell her that she’s sick? Asami would still insist to come over either way, so it was no use. Nothing is.  
  
“Korra?” Her voice asks softly, and she felt her sit on the edge of the bed. “Jinora told me you weren’t feeling well—why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could’ve had a reason to ditch work earlier,” she jokes.  
_  
_ “Well, you’re here anyway, so.” she shrugs. _  
  
_She could tell that Asami was a bit taken aback by her response, but she doesn’t care—she really don’t. She felt like being mean for some reason that she couldn’t comprehend, and she couldn’t stop herself—all the discomfort in her body was making her feel crazy.  
  
“Right, um.” Asami took a breath, unsure of what to say. “Are… you okay? You seem a bit… off.”  
  
A bit off. _A bit off._ Korra was tired of everyone telling her that. As if _had_ to be perfect, as if she couldn’t be at her best for _one_ day. She kept her eyes closed behind the covers, not wanting to face Asami or respond to her.  
  
“Okay, um. Maybe you just need a hug?” Asami says, climbing onto the bed completely and placing an arm over her. “You know, I—”  
  
Korra winces and pulls away at the slightest contact, turning over to face her almost immediately with a scowl on her face. “Asami! Leave me alone, okay?” she exclaims, groaning. “Can you not tell that I don’t want you here right now?”  
  
The other girl stares at her for a moment, as if trying to take in of what she was saying. “Korra… what?”  
  
“Leave me alone! _Please_. Just go.”  
  
“Korra,” Asami frowns, voice firmer now, “Look, I know you had a bad day, but that doesn’t mean you can just yell at people like that.”  
  
“It’s not just a bad day, okay? I—”  
  
“Tell me, then,” Asami says, placing her hand on Korra’s arm, but Korra dodged away from that, too. “Korra, whatever it is, I—”  
  
“You’re _not_ going to understand!” She’s yelling, now, frustrated and losing control of herself. “You never will! You’ve always had a great life and you never had to know how it feels to be like this, okay? So just go away. I don’t need you here.”  
  
“Are you… are you serious right now?” Asami looked at her in disbelief, and there’s tears brimming as she whipes them away angrily. “You… what is _wrong_ with you today?”  
  
Korra sighs harshly, burying her face into her hands. “I don’t—I don’t know. Just leave me alone, okay. I really… I really don’t want…”  
  
“Fine.” She hears her throw the covers away from her and left the bed. “Call me when you’re feeling more rational.”  
  
A few rushed footsteps, then the door shuts closed after her—and for the millionth time in her life, Korra was left alone in the dark again.  
  
She doesn’t know how to get out of it.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
It only hits her a few hours later, a few hours too late. She woke up breathless and gasping after a nightmare again, and just when she was about to dial Asami’s number from the bedside phone, she realized what she had done before and wonders if she really had lost Asami for good.  
  
_Fuck.  
_  
Korra wanted to physically beat herself up for messing things up again. How could she? What got into her? It felt like she was losing herself, like she wasn’t in control of her own body anymore. How is she going to explain _that_ to Asami?  
  
Maybe she couldn’t. Maybe she really had pushed away everyone from her life, and it was all her fault. Her fault for not keeping her own shit together, her fault for letting it get to everyone else. She shouldn’t have. _She shouldn’t have._  
  
What is she going to do now?  
  
_Call me when you’re feeling more rational._  
  
Yeah. Maybe she should do that.  
  
Korra reached for the phone in her nightstand, noticing on how much her body is shaking when she held the phone in her hand. She’s wondering again if it was a good idea to call Asami just a few hours after she messed things up _terribly—_ but again, she had to apologize to her. It was the least she could do.  
  
When the call first connected, it was pure silence on the other end that Korra thought Asami had hung up. She didn’t think that she would pick up, anyway—it was late, and after all that she’d said, she didn’t think she deserved it.

“Korra?”  
  
But then her voice filled the line, and Korra was left speechless and nervous once again. It felt like her throat had closed up, and everything she had planned to say vanished from her mind.  
  
“Korra, are you there?” Asami calls again. “Korra—”  
  
“I’m sorry,” She blurts it out, afraid that she was going to hang up. “I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry. Can you—can you come over?”  
  
“It’s late,” Asami tells her, but she didn’t sound as angry as she was when she left—Korra had only hoped that she could still make it up to her.  
  
“I know,” she sighs. “I didn’t—I didn’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s fine. I’m still here anyway.”  
  
“What?”  
  
The sliding door opens, and Asami was there, still in the same clothes she had on when she first came. She really didn’t leave, did she? “Hey.”  
  
“Why… why are you still here?”  
  
“It was too late when i wanted to take a ride back to the city, so I stayed.” She just shrugs. “I hope it’s fine with you.”  
  
“No, no—I meant yeah, it’s fine. I just…” Korra sighs. “Can you come in?”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
They sat in silence for a while, not sure of what to do. It felt like she could almost literally cut the tension between them with a knife. “I… I’m sorry, Asami. I didn’t mean to… I really didn’t know what came over me. I’m sorry.”  
  
The other girl sighs, but then sat on the bed and scoots over closer to her like she did before. “Apology accepted.” She shrugs. “What’s going on with you, huh?”  
  
“I… I don’t know. I think it’s because I tried going off my meds, but, I’m not—I’m not sure.”  
  
“Korra,” Asami says, now in a more serious tone, “Korra, you’re not supposed to do that. Why would you…?”  
  
“Because! I didn’t want to rely on some pills to be in control of myself! Now I’ll have to be on it my whole life, because if I don’t, I’ll be messing things up all the time—like right now.” Korra exclaims. “I guess… I guess I was embarrassed that I couldn’t hold things together without it.”  
  
“Korra…” her voice softens, and a hand cups her cheek gently. “Korra, you don’t have to be embarrassed for needing help. We’ve talked about this.”  
  
“Yeah, but it’s different,” Korra held Asami’s arm, leaning into her touch. “When—when it was with Katara… I meant, it was natural, you know. But this—this isn’t.”  
  
“Hey. Listen. You know… uh, Zhu Li—you know her, right?”  
  


“Yeah, what about her?”  
  
“You know how she wears glasses? And how she’s practically blind without it?” Asami says, and she laughed at that. “Do you think that’s natural? Glasses? People _naturally_ don’t wear them, right? But if Zhu Li doesn’t wear them, and then she tries to do her daily work without them… imagine how _that_ would be like.”  
  
“I… I get where you’re going.” Korra nodded, “but—what about the people who doesn’t need it for long? I mean, I’ve been having it for months, now, Asami—some people only needed a few weeks. I just… I don’t get why I can’t be like that too. I’m scared that I’d get...”  
  


“Addicted?” she raises her eyebrows.  
  
“I… yeah.”  
  
“Do you know that I wear glasses too?” Asami asked her. “I don’t wear them _all_ the time—only when I’m doing my mechanic work, to see the little detailed parts in it because my eyes can’t adjust to that. But Zhu Li—she needed her glasses _all_ the time, because she can’t see without it. It’s the same thing, Korra—it doesn’t matter. You need them, and it’s _okay_ to need things. Okay?”  
  
Korra nods, leaning into her girlfriend’s chest. “Okay. I’m sorry.”  
  
“It’s alright,” Asami presses her lips onto her forehead, swiping the mess of brown hair away. “I love you. My sweet, strong, _hardheaded_ Korra—”  
  
“—Hey,” she slaps her arm gently, laughing along. “I love you, too.”  
  
“No matter what?”  
  
“No matter what.”  
  
  
  
Damn. She really _is_ lucky, isn't she?  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr blog!!](https://hereforthehurts.tumblr.com/)


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